The Life and Times of Sticker

blah

2006-04-01T03:54:00.000+01:00

blah blah blah

I've gone elsewhere http://www.rantspace.co.uk

hud on I've already said this but then again at this time of night that's expected.

Nighty

I have moved...

2006-03-25T16:19:00.000Z

Hi there folks:

I've moved to http://www.RantSpace.co.uk

(if you syndicate my wafflings my new atom rss feed can be found here)

Cheers for the support and lets hope things flourish on "The other side"

M602 - M62 - M6 - A74(M) - M74 .... blah blah

2006-03-22T00:49:00.000Z

386 miles later Manchester to rural Aberdeenshire via Aberdeen Blood Transfusion Centre to donate my 23rd pint of blood and I'm home...

Time for bed!

Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig oraibh!

2006-03-17T14:39:00.000Z

Well that's tonights choice of drink sorted! I might have to visit a certain eccentric Aberdonian "ex-pat" currently residing down here in Manchester as he works in a rather nice Irish bar just off the Deansgate.

Have a fantastic St Patricks day and get some craic into your bloodstream!

Bloody SPAM bots

2006-03-15T14:19:00.000Z

After finally sitting down to address the mountainous pile of unanswered emails and support tickets that have accumulated over the duration of the course I was on over the past two weeks I have been starting to notice more and more that some spambots have been spoofing email addresses on my domain.

The addresses produced aren't any that I regularly use like enquiries@*******.co.uk or sales@*******.co.uk but are ones like brettbag@ , randyformatine@, bkeefebu@ et cetera.

Nowadays I seem to be recieving the same amount of Mail Delivery Subsystem originated emails for the spambot generated emails as traditional spam addressed to my email accounts. This gets a bit expensive when working out of the office using a 3G card.

Anyone got any ideas on how to combat being spoofed ? I've got a fleeting suspicion I may have to change some entries at DNS / nominet level.

UPDATE: Just visited http://www.openspf.org/ and am in the process of implementing SPF Tags on my domains dns records. The process is reasonably simple as they have provided a useful wizard.

Marooned

2006-03-13T17:46:00.000Z

Well that's me finally back down in Manchester after being snowed into Edinburgh in the early hours of Sunday morning. Ach well I needed the sleep after what has been a thoroughly rewarding albeit tiring fortnight away.

I'm offski...

2006-02-24T17:37:00.000Z

Just before anyone thinks I've died.... I'm off down south of the border until the 20th of March on a course and business. I'll try and post if I can blag a internet connection / free minute but don't hold your breath!

Have a good 'un.

Follow the leader.

2006-02-23T18:21:00.000Z

After my most recent rant about a Telecoms provider causing me Big Trouble and showing a distinct lack of customer service I recieved a little ray of sunshine from another one of my providers in the form of a couple of bottles of decent wine and this letter:

I'm really sorry to hear you've been having problems with o2 Select.

That's not the way it should be. We never accept second best and neither should you, so rest assured that we've taken steps to prevent you from experiencing the same problems again.

I know the enclosed gift won't make up for what you've been through, but please accept it as a small token of our commitment to providing you with the superior service you are right to expect as an o2 Select customer.

Many thanks for your patience and understanding.

Yours sincerely,

o2 Select Marketing Manager

Needless to say that I was chuffed as the problems had been resolved, I'd recieved an apology plus some nice booze! If only other companies showed their appreciation to their customers patience and custom as well as admitting their faults instead of the traditional "brush it under the carpet attitude".

Top work o2, little things like that do what their meant to do ie keeping my custom and recomendations.

Sounds familiar ?

2006-02-21T17:15:00.000Z

You will you won't
You do you don't
You're saying you will
But you know you won't
You may you might
Your chest gets tight
You say you love day

But you come out at night

Sounds familiar ?

You would be right if you identified them as Zutons lyrics but you'd win star prize if you noticed the similarities of the first five lines to a national telecommunications provider (who are Big Trouble with regard to customer service and their monopoly of top level adsl provision).

That 28 day cease order I requested and double checked wasn't actually ordered by the two people I spoke to at Order Management. This was a bit of mixed blessing as I managed to wangle a MAC (Migration Authorisation Code) to transfer the line to plus.net but what I find appalling is the way that two customer service operatives insisted that the cease order had been processed and was scheduled to be applied to my line... in the words of Jim Royle "My arse Barbara".

Customers place their trust in the person at the other end of the phone. They expect them to carry out their promises. When this doesn't happen something is fundamentally wrong with the companies acumen. So much for "The customer is always right"

My strategy when dealing with call-centres is to to keep calm and to treat whoever is at the other end of the phone / postbox / inbox like a person not an idiot.... Nine times out of ten they deserve it and I would expect the same.

Going all out and trying to sound superior will always get their back up and they will be as unhelpful as their company policy goes.

Yet again if you treat them as an equal and don't be a stuck up, swearing, irritable plank full of airs and graces things tend to be resolved or actioned in a manner you would expect.

Did this help me ? Did it hell.

Business if based on reputation and if they continue to treat their customers like this the memos to ofcom will increase. Their pseudo-monopoly has already been called into question umpteen times here there and everywhere and sooner of later I'm sure some sort of action will be taken against them.

My message to them :

"Enjoy things while you can, your heyday as a nationalised service is drifting away into the distance and the implications of fair trading legislation may soon hit you hard."

Grrrrrrrrr

2006-02-20T17:58:00.000Z

Fooked dns, 28 days for a cease order, missing emails, call-centre ping pong, locked lines and the list goes on.

All the legacy of Big Trouble... and here was I thinking I'd got shot of them.

How wrong was I?!

Stickers Rant Space

2006-02-20T14:21:00.000Z

After fervent persuasion from HappyDave I have got the hosting sorted out, bought the new www.rantspace.co.uk domain name from 123-reg , had a gander at WordPress and am 90% ready to get things shifted over.

The only barriers to the move at the moment are time as I'm on a course for the next fortnight effective as from Friday and the transition between my old ISP and plus.net

The time variable is outwith my control and to a certain extent so is the ISP transition due to my previous ISP forgetting to apply a cease order on my line. This has been actioned this morning but I still have a 14 - 28 day wait for this to be completed and then the further wait for plus.net to get in touch with BT to re-grade and re-activate the line. Ho hum. I suppose it's worth it in the long run.

In the interim my UMTS (3G) data allowance is being used up rapidly for the time critical and large data transfer work (max download speed of 384 kbs over the airwaves... cool as!!) and I am also back in the unenviable position of enduring 44kbs dial-up til everything is sorted... harumph.

If anyone else has any words of "self hosted blog wisdom" they wish to share drop me a line / comment.

Oiks

2006-02-16T18:19:00.000Z

After reading this headline from the Evening Express about children as young as three being nabbed by the police for acts of vandalism I sit jaw dangling about knee level at the sorry state of this country.

When such behaviour occurs at such a young age the finger should not be pointed at the child but instead at the parents who must accept both responsibility for both parenting and the childs actions.

Without sounding too "jumpers for goalposts" I just can't fathom why today's youngsters have so little respect for other people, others property, the laws of the land and common decency. I think the omnipresent political correctness campaign has been the culprit behind so many of not so Great Britain's social illnesses over the past decade.

People seem to have been brainwashed into believing that children should be allowed to develop in their own way as opposed to "Children should be seen and not heard" without parental punishment as this would stunt their free development into the adult they want to be. Well I was brought up in a way my parents chose. If I went against their grand design I would be shown the right direction though some sort of sanction or non-physical punishment. The next time I nearly made the same mistake I thought twice and generally didn't do it again. This continued until I was old enough for me to make my own mistakes as long as I accepted the consequences.

Were my parents harsh punishing me for my mistakes ? No

Was this what would happen in adult life if a mistake was made ? Yes

They may have formed me in their own parenting mould to be someone who thinks first before acting and always to accept the consequences if things go awry. They also taught me to respect other people and their property, to obey the laws of the land and other critical life skills. My upbringing may be construed in today's liberal terms as strict but then again it is quite evident by newspaper articles like this and television programmes like Super Nanny that the free-spirited parenting attitude doesn't work. They accepted their responsibilites for my development and also my actions and I thank them for their labours.

"Manners maketh man", "Respect thy elders", "Do unto others as you expect to be done to thyself" may all sound Victorian but the meaning within these sayings importance will never weaken if any desire for common decency within our nation prevails.

Blair may have proposed his national parenting academy but surely bringing up our nations children with love and an ethos of common sense, common decency and respect would do a better job without the costs involved in the creation of another useless quango.

Every parent should have these attitudes within them its just about time that more took responsibility for both their child's moral development and their actions instead of the current laissez faire attitude.

or as today's youth would say...

"Whatevaa..."

eek

2006-02-16T16:06:00.000Z

before I could hit STOP I accidentally removed a few peoples (neepheid included) unmoderated comments... sorry folks free speech does reign here apart from when I am a bit overzealous with my return key tapping.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

2006-02-15T17:05:00.000Z

Well that's me back in Aberdeen after a very productive yet relaxed time in Manchester. Despite what I may have said about public transport in the past I wholly appreciated the adage of "Let the Train Take The Strain..." in both directions allowing me to do some work and not get upset at the prevalent roadworks on the M6 and tailgating I usually have to endure!

The bus to Rusholme from Piccadilly was well used as a catalyst to getting my Curry Mile fix on more occasions in five days than I'd like to admit... Needless to say now I have discovered my curry heat threshold can be increased from a madras to a vindaloo the next time I'm down in March!

Laziness and convenience may have been the main reasons for my stubborn insistence to take the car the 750 mile round trip but to be brutally honest with the Trams, Busses and improved rolling stock on the West Coast line have changed my attitude. Living in my rural location up here forces me to keep using the car for every journey as the frequency and journey duration are incompatible with not only my lifestyle but I'd expect even those that travel socially.

Anyways I'm far from carbon neutral but I may have to plant some greenery in the garden to both address this and keep my fresh vegetable bill to a minimum. Those who know me well will probably have their jaws dangling at their ankles in my turn around to a "pseudo leftie" stance in favour of public transport, carbon neutrality and nurturing my own produce but it is a responsibility shared by all of us to protect the fragile rock we live in for our children and our childrens children whilst improving our heath and lifestyle in the process.

Totally changing track from all things green to all things technical I have cancelled my current account with my business broadband provider in favour of plus.net as I like their attitude towards customer service, pricing strategy and fundamentally their adherence to their fair use for all policies. If one specific user is "tearing the arse" out of their contended (shared) connection with loads of P2P etc during peak times hence affecting time critical services for the other users on their contended connection they will throttle them down to allow the rest of the users to regain their speed.

This isn't a new concept but few ISPs enforce this to the detriment of their users who do abide by their fair usage policies.

Anyway during the transition period between my old provider and plus.net I shall have minimal broadband access and shall be focusing my UMTS (3G) internet connection on work related traffic over personal activities but bear with me in the interim.

When everything is sorted out I'll finally kick my own arse into check and get this hosted on my own domain and will strive to keep the post frequencies and quality back to a good level.

Phew!

2006-02-10T13:55:00.000Z

Well that's me back down in Manchester to work away at a much reduced pace for a few days. Every day in February until yesterday has consisted of 36 hours worth of activities... how long I can go on like that is no-ones guess.

Ach well, on a slightly different note I've finally told BT where to shove their business broadband package and I'm in the process of moving back to Plus.net

Long may the plus.net induced happiness reign!

I'm off for a coffee and gander round Selfridges I think!!

Iraq

2006-01-31T17:40:00.000Z

Why is the British "meedja" so preoccupied with front page stories every time a soldier dies in Iraq... As the occupation drags on the inevitably fatality figures may increase and hence so will this type of story.

Then again I'm also sure that every soldier has signed on the dotted line and pledged allegiance are well aware of the risk to life and limb and other circumstances that are part and parcel of service life that sets their life apart from civilian life.

Before anyone assumes I'm callous my sincere sympathies go out to all families of soldiers who have died in the line of duty.

Furthermore I admire all of those out their doing their duty in our contries involvement in this cause despite the reasons behind the initial deployment being shady to say the least but those who say we should pull out immediately need to consider the damage this would do to to the morale of those deployed and also to the memory of those who have died tragically in trying to aid the Iraqi people towards peace and stability.

If we were to pull out every soldier who has died would have done so in vain, it may save further casualties but what would we have acheived by being there ?

Its always better to do a good job and finish it, lets all hope and pray that the casualty statistics don't go on the increase and the end of this massive task is near.

Fingers crossed the media line will move towards backing the troops who are doing a damn good job out there and fundamentally trying to make Blairs reasoning for the initial deployment more transparent. Then again you don't see Blair visiting families and the injured as they don't mean votes. This attitude combined with the gung-ho attitude of defence ministers towards the deployment of both regular and reservist troops to every unstable region without considering the diminishing gaps between tours, disruption to family life and civilian careers and fundamentally both the troops and the publics morale.

Maybe compulsory service for defence ministers would make them empathise more and be less gung-ho with regard to their use of this vital asset.

Bypass #2

2006-01-30T18:05:00.000Z

It transpires that the powers that be have decided to shift a portion of the proposed Aberdeen Peripheral Bypass further east affecting communities in neutrally and Maryculter.

Will such a move bring about the same sentiments as I discussed earlier or will it be a mutually agreeable improvement ?

The fact is someone has to be inconvenienced in the name of progress but can the affected parties understand this.... ?

I highly doubt it which brings me to asking why the hell can't someone just pick the route and let those affected begin the necessary preparations prior to the upheaval instead of leaving many a community in the lurch.

The joys of micromanagement.

Read more here...

Comedy

2006-01-30T17:55:00.000Z

Why is that mainstream television comedy seems to rely purely on the catchphrase these days ? "Popular" shows like Little Britain, Chewing the Fat, Bo Selecta et cetera seem all to be comprised of the same tired catchphrases used in vaguely differing scenarios...

Scriptwriters take note: this format is tired and utterly unoriginal. Just because some echelons of society seem to take great relish reciting such a catchphrase ad nauseum whilst in the company of their friends doesn't mean its big or clever.

Bring back the likes of The Office, Alan Patridge, Reeves and Mortimer. Their material may have had catchphrases but weren't wholly reliant apon them.

Insurance

2006-01-26T17:07:00.000Z

Whilst reading Neepheids post about blame and todays litigating society I read a brilliant comment by Matt:

"Sheila's Wheels car insurance adverts are currently receiving my deathwishing voodoo thoughts at the moment. Girls are safer drivers? Why then are these three pink fluffy bints driving along the road looking backwards?"

...and letting a monkey drive for them, or them all sitting in the back, squealing away nonchalantly with no-one holding the bloody steering wheel.... yada yada yada the whole thing is a catalogue of driving errors that would leave us mere mortals with a driving ban for driving without due care and attention and the like.

Safer drivers my arse.

Plus the screeching jingle eats right into my soul every time I have the misfortune of hearing it. Thank gawd the BBC doesn't have advertising breaks.

Sheilas Wheels... Sheilas Squeals more like.

Whoever thought of the idea of basing their entire business plan on a cheap domain name ought to be dragged out into the street and shot... or locked in the boot of that Cadillac while the dozy bints take it on a long journey.

harumph.

1986

2006-01-26T03:30:00.001Z

Whilst working late I found this old email whilst doing a google desktop search... a stroke of genius albeit a forwarded one!

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 60's, 70's and early 80's probably shouldn't have survived, because our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets, and it was fine to play with pans.

When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip-flops and fluorescent 'spokey dokey's' on our wheels. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags - riding in the passenger seat was a treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle and it tasted the same. We ate chips, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy juice with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing. We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no-one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.

After running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and could play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us and no one minded.

We did not have Playstations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no DVDs, no Internet chat rooms.

We had friends - we went outside and found them. We played elastics and rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt!

We fell out of trees, got cut, and broke bones but there were no law suits. We had full on fist fights but no prosecution followed from other parents.

We played chap-the-door-run-away and were actually afraid of the owners catching us. We walked to friends' homes. We also, believe it or not, WALKED to school; we didn't rely on mummy or daddy to drive us to school, which was just round the corner. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls.

We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of.. They actually sided with the law. This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

And you're one of them. Congratulations!

Pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow as real kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good.

For those of you who aren't old enough, thought you might like to read about us!

This my friends, is surprisingly frightening......and it might put a smile on your face: The majority of students in universities today were born in 1986........They are called youth.

They have never heard of We are the World, We are the children, and the Uptown Girl they know is by Westlife not Billy Joel. They have never heard of Rick Astley, Bananarama, Nena Cherry or Belinda Carlisle.

For them, there has always been only one Germany and one Vietnam. AIDS has existed since they were born. CDs have existed since they were born. Michael Jackson has always been white. To them John Travolta has always been round in shape and they can't imagine how this fat guy could be a god of dance.

They believe that Charlie's Angels and Mission Impossible are films from last year.

They can never imagine life before computers.

They'll never have pretended to be the A Team, RedHand Gang or the Famous Five. They'll never have applied to be on Jim'll Fix It or Why Don't You. They can't believe a black and white television ever existed. And they will never understand how we could leave the house without a mobile phone.

Now let's check if we're getting old...

You understand what was written above and you smile.
You need to sleep more, usually until the afternoon, after a night out.
Your friends are getting married/already married.
You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably with computers.
When you see teenagers with mobile phones, you shake your head.
You remember watching Dirty Den in EastEnders the first time around.
You meet your friends from time to time, talking about the good Old days, repeating again all the funny things you have experienced together.
Having read this mail, you are thinking of forwarding it to some other friends because you think they will like it too...

Yes, you're getting old!

Definately brought a little ray of sunshine to what was becoming a nightmare of a night, plus to compound things it's under a fortnight til my birthday!

Get your haggis on...

2006-01-25T14:59:00.000Z

Being Burns Night and also to celebrate both pages of original manuscript on which Burns penned Holy Willies Prayer being re-united in Ayrshire I thought I'd better share some of his poetry.

The Ode to a Haggis, which is traditionally recited prior to the haggis being hacked to bits with a bloody great dirk and served.

Bloody hell, just realised I've been going to (and getting rancidly drunk at) the same organisations burns supper now since 1998...

not bad for a sassenach! Anyway less of my drivel...

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the puddin-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy of a grace
As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o' need,
While thro' your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An' cut ye up wi' ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright
Like onie ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn, they strech an' strive:
Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve,
Are bent like drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
'Bethankit!' hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi' perfect sconner,
Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro' bluidy flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread.
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll make it whissle;
An' legs, an' arms, an' heads will sned,
Like taps o' thrissle.

Ye Pow'rs wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o 'fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies;
But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer,
Gie her a Haggis!

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong but my synopsis of the poem would be 'What a fantastic looking, smelling and tasting pudding a haggis is, better than all the european excuses for food. Scotland doesn't want to eat any old food, Gie her a Haggis!'

Permadusk

2006-01-19T19:02:00.000Z

The Northern Lights of old Aberdeen
Mean home sweet home to me
The Northern Lights of old Aberdeen
Are what I long to see
I’ve been a wanderer all of my life
Any many a sight I've seen
God speed the day when l' m on my way
To my home in Aberdeen

Fair enough this song is about the Aurora Borealis but a bit more light in general would be quite nice right now. The granite city and its permadusk and greyness aren't exactly doing wonders for my mood.

Seasonal Affective Disorder....? possibly

Tired with my daily monotony...? definately.

Mind you that specific chorus does resound in my head every time I come over the hill towards the Brig O' Dee after a long drive back up North filling me with that warm "I'm nearly home" glow you get after 350 miles in the car.

I'm sure that I'll miss the place with as much enthusiasm as I have for moving south this summer. It's funny the way that each juncture in your life seems to have a shelflife before monotony, disdain and tedium kick in and bring about the well known "itchy feet" feeling.

Maybe it's just your minds way of pushing you in the right direction towards new people, places and challenges?

Backwater

2006-01-15T23:36:00.000Z

The headline from Saturdays Aberdeens Evening Express was the eyecatching:

'DRUG DEALER DOPED MY DOG'

read the full story here

What the hell is the world coming to ? First there was the internet myth of squirrels on a crack high attacking humans in NY, the Brixton Crack Squirrel and now stoned dogs in Footdee.

The article may have highlighted the fact that the "blissfully unaware" majority of those residing in and around Aberdeen are nonchalant about the extent of the drug misuse on their doorstep despite crime levels, community sharps bins and this occurrence more to the point what the hell was such a story doing on the front page of the paper.

When you consider it's average circulation is 58,267 and its column centimetres are worth £17 on average* surely there were more worthy stories for publication on the front page? I might be wrong but the publication of such a lamentable front page entry compounds the pre-existing and undesirable image of Aberdeen being a "small town backwater".

Maybe the powers that be should consider some sort of re-branding exercise as such "news headlines", the falling population density, pre-existing penny pinching sterotypes and the down-turn in its major industry can't be doing the city any favours.

Thank gawd for the internation youth festival, the universities and the resolution of the oil industry offices for keeping the city buoyant.

But then again...

* Statistics from http://www.nsdatabase.co.uk

Superstition

2006-01-13T15:44:00.000Z

su·per·sti·tion (sū'pər-stĭsh'ən)
n.

An irrational belief that an object, action, or circumstance not logically related to a course of events influences its outcome.
1. A belief, practice, or rite irrationally maintained by ignorance of the laws of nature or by faith in magic or chance.
2. A fearful or abject state of mind resulting from such ignorance or irrationality.
3. Idolatry.

Due to it being Friday the 13th I have holed myself up, working away, not answering my phone, with no yearning to leave the house.

Superstition you say ?

Damn right!

What happy times we live in?

2006-01-10T22:56:00.000Z

Just to say that I'm back in Sunny ahem Windy Aberdeenshire, 350 miles later complete with 'white van man inflicted' windscreen crack, back pain and 'severe amenity withdrawral' angst.

It's blowing a gale outside, my neighbours tree is threatening to flatten my dining room and my dress sense was questioned by a complete bumpkin.

Gawd how I love this place.

On a slightly different note, right now Blair is being grilled on Newsnight about his rather laughable new Respect scheme. Yet again more taxpayers money is being wasted on a strategy that has existed in most voters minds for eons.... punish the parents.

How New Labour sure love the quango eh?

In many a European country its not punishing the parents that lowers the vandalism there is a feeling of common ownership of public facilities hence the high level of investment into public amenities by these European local government organisations and low levels of vandalism and damage by the populace.

Somehow this attitude could be fostered with an increase of investment not only for affluent areas, city centres and the like. The 'sink areas' should be given the same investment and local involvement to hopefully increase this common ownership attitude of those living in the area.

Another area requiring further investment would be policing. If the police presence was more overt logic states that minor crime figures should lower. Time ,however' is the key to both of these potential solutions and more than likely things would get worse before they get better.

To summarise, if the money was spent on the communities instead of bone research like this things may improve!

ADSL

2006-01-07T16:17:00.000Z

Wayhey BT have excelled and sorted out my Manchester ADSL connection four days early!

Mancunian broadband brilliance!

N.I.M.B.Y. Or not ?

2006-01-06T14:53:00.000Z

Nimby
noun {C} ABBREVIATION FOR
not in my back yard: a person who does not want something unpleasant to be built or done near where they live:

This one word seems to summarize the observed attitudes towards the Aberdeen Western Peripheral Bypass but there is more to be read into this conundrum than stereotypical suburbanite attitudes.

Even though I am at least 350 miles away drinking a coffee whilst on a break between appointments I initially was riled at this inherent attitude towards development until I delved further into the problems affecting it.

The roads network in and around Aberdeen is capable, yet there is definitely room for improvement. When you consider it takes me circa 45 minutes to travel into town outwith rush-hour and at least 75 mins during peak times the 30 minute increase for the last five miles is beginning to get tedious. Thank god I'm down in Manchester til Sunday.

Such congestion problems affecting both the thoughput of traffic into Aberdeen and further north brought about the requirement for a peripheral bypass like those seen in Edinburgh, Manchester, Perth and nearly every other major city on the British road network.

What I cannot understand is why the current choice of route was picked. The route through Camphill may be construed as politically incorrect as the Camphill community does fantastic work for challenged people within its capacious grounds. But when you consider the current routes implications for many a home-owner compared to the relatively few Camphill residents the current route doesn't tally at all. Was the decision due to a senior official having a relative on the original route ? That's a question a parliamentary enquiry would answer fully.

It appears the Milltimber residents are stuck with their route and also the title of being NIMBYs. Neither was their choice more the choice of ill informed bureaucrat but there still needs to be progress towards the creation of the bypass. Some might say "Well as it is the affluent area that it is, a couple of thousand won't hurt their pockets too much" and "Cities expand and green belt gets swallowed... that's a fact of life" and then harp on about the exhaust fumes emitted by the moving traffic using the bypass surely wont affect people as much as the emissions from the stationary traffic currently experienced during rush-hour thoughout Aberdeen. These reasons may have pushed forward the planning of the bypass routes. But what is required is mainly transparency with regard to the decision making processes generating the route options, a balanced solution to the route problem and a good dose of common sense.

I'm all in favour of progress and the sacrifices that go along with it but it seems that the many are being affected because of the few in this case, no matter how deserving they are.

The situation needs to be addressed in this manner as the economic benefits are definitely something that should not be overlooked especially with regard to the downturn of the Oil & Gas market and decreasing population predictions.

Life requires a balance both with regard to the media spin applied to this development and also the sacrifices required to loosen the congestion experienced thoughout the City.

Bring on the bypass though the most realistic and sensible route and lets move forward...

Resolutions

2006-01-03T16:04:00.000Z

Happy New Year everyone!!! Lets hope this one is a peaceful, prosperous and practical one.

After celebrating Hogmanay with Kath, Tess, Rob, Sarah and Tess' crew from down south at her folks fantastic hotel in Bingley I figured it was about time I concocted some resolutions for the coming months and beyond. Publishing them here is a bit of a mixed blessing though as not only will I be reinforcing them in my mind but I'll also have my friends reminding me every time I attempt to break them.

After the traditional consumption of booze prior to the bells most people vowed that they would definately booze less this year... but that old chesnut is about as old as the hills. Mind you there may have been some truth in that particular sentiment after a high percentage of those present had a tactical spew at some stage during the night (myself excepted!). With the current media barrage against binge drinking this seems to be a common resolution this year both by those regularly partaking and the powers that be in a vain attempt to cut down on the onset of post binge carnage that plagues our city centres on a weekly basis, no matter what season. The onset of 24 hour licensing may have allowed people to drink at their own pace without rigid time constraints but this will take months to have any effect as the general mindset seems to be "What's the point of drinking if it's not going to have an effect".

Fingers crossed over the next few months this sentiment will creep in to the majority of peoples attitudes but only time will tell. Anyway my resolution is to continue drinking within my own limits and not having to inflict a semi-comatose uninhibited mess on those out with me.

Britains attitude towards credit brings about my second resolution. We all live in a debt ridden society only fuelled by the credit providers trying to make a fortune of peoples weak will. I obtained my first credit card at a Freshers Fayre whilst in first year at university after being enticed by the freebies that came with a completed form. How expensive those freebies ended up being after the couple of years it took me to learn my lesson of only spending within my means. Students traditionally aren't the most finacially stable of demographics so why do these financial vultures continue to prey on their naievity and desire to have a good time. They are plagued with government sponsored loans, instant overdraughts, credit cards and under-funding creating a potential credit time bomb.

This is compounded when it comes to medical students as in addition to the previous prevailing financial problems they have a heavy workload, precious little free time to take a part time job and in their latter years of study a timetable and holiday allocation akin to a full time job with no pay. It is no wonder that so many foreign doctors are employed by the NHS as trying to find potential students who meet the mark both intellectually and more tragically financially able. Maybe the government should divert some of their financial wastage from studies and quangos to the precious commodity that are our medical students.

Back to myself though, this year I'm aiming to be less frivolous with my spending, continue to be credit savvy and to invest a little more into my future as my generation will be scuppered when it comes to post retirement support when we get to that stage.

Finally on a lighter note, I also plan to post more and better content on my blog as it has been a fantastic "venting" tool over the past few months. As I had said to a friend, outwith work I have hardly written anything of length since school. Better not waste the teaching and encouragement I recieved then!

Whatever you plan to stick to this year, the best of luck!

Wait for it.....

2005-12-28T22:18:00.000Z

....before you go rolling your eyes at this being a "Diary Entry" I feel it's more of an opportunity to explain my forthcoming absence of postings!

I'm offski down the M6 tomorrow to Manchester until around the 6th January next year (ie in just over a week!).

All the best for Hogmanay and thoughout 2006 wherever you happen to be!

Sinister Imagery

2005-12-28T12:30:00.000Z

For a look back to the sinister peak of the cold war the BBC have constructed a site full of images, 360 degree images and videos of the interior of the Burlington underground "city" near Corsham in Wiltshire.

The bunker situated inside a former underground quarry would have been the home for up to 4,000 central Government personnel in the event of a nuclear strike.

Blast proof and completely self-sufficient the secret underground site could accommodate up to 4,000 people, in complete isolation from the outside world, for up to three months.

Although never actually used, the New York grid-style city of roads and avenues was equipped with all the facilities needed to survive. From underground hospitals, canteens, kitchens and laundries to storerooms of supplies, accommodation areas and offices.

For 30 years Burlington was in operation but at the end of the Cold War, in 1991, the still un-used city complex was finally taken over by the MOD and kept on standby in case of future nuclear threats to the UK.

But last December, with the underground reservoir drained, emptied of fuel and supplies and with a skeleton staff of just four, the site was finally decommissioned…

Burlington Nuclear Bunker

Image © BBC

Change in Direction

2005-12-28T11:53:00.000Z

Finally I have made the decision to post a higher percentage of "Comment" compared to "Diary Entry" themed posts on here...

Jeezus it took me long enough!

Snow.... again!

2005-12-28T11:07:00.000Z

Some people cheer when it snows either because it means they can look out at a different version of their usual landscape, so they can go ski-ing or snow-boarding or because its presence has rekindled the fairytale images of their snowy experiences when they were a child.

Others immediately curse because as they drive a lot the fact that snow generally causes the roads loose traction, journey times to double and they have to spend hours shovelling the stuff from driveways and their car.

The thing that amuses me is whenever us Aberdeenshire dwellers get a couple of inches of snow the gritters are out and we are hardly phased at all by its arrival whereas if anywhere else south of Cumbria gets a slight sprinkling cars get abandoned, the BBC run an article on it and it's chaos.

As long as you "take everything slowly and smoothly" you'll be fine, hence why we manage so well up here. 4x4's do help but I seem to manage in my wee VW Polo fine.

When it snows I shrug my shoulders, clear the driveway and car, throw my shovel and flask of coffee in the boot and carry on my daily life until the weekend kicks in and I can grin like a Cheshire Cat at the prospect of a good day on the piste.

It's only snow, not the white bearer of the apocalypse for gods sake!

Published #2

2005-12-27T17:10:00.000Z

After being informed by one of my Journalistic friends that I had submitted yesterdays "£10 Star Letter" in the Aberdeen Evening Express.

First of all is Mr Murrays stereotypically myopic view:

BAN ALL TRACE OF FOUL SMOKING
11:00 - 21 December 2005

It seems that no matter where I go in public, I suffer cigarette smoke.

As a life-long non-smoker I find that this is something which can be
extremely irritating.

Sometimes it can be a full waft from half-a-dozen workers smoking outside a
shopping mall.At other times it is from someone standing next to me at traffic
lights as we wait to cross the road.

But more often it is when a smoker sits behind me on a bus, just after they
have desperately finished a cigarette as the bus approaches, or stands behind me
in a queue.These are occasions when I experience the very foul, deep nicotine
still on their breath.

Smoking in public places is to be banned and that is fine.But the ban
should include every last trace or residue or the purpose is defeated.

Keith Murray Tillydrone Aberdeen

Which enthused me to writing my response:

ANTI-SMOKING BRIGADE NEED TO MOVE ON
11:00 - 26 December 2005

Maybe Keith Murray (Letters, December 21) should apply for a job as one of ARI's "tobacco policemen" after his view on smoking, not only in public but everywhere.

It has been highlighted throughout the press that steps to restrict smokers from smoking in their own homes, albeit when workers are present, could be construed as violating human rights.

Being a smoker myself I back the ban on smoking in enclosed public places so as to not inflict my second-hand smoke on others.But as long as tobacco is legal I shall continue to smoke outdoors, inside my car and wherever else that isn't enclosed or subject to flammable vapours! Of course being outside smoke tends to dissipate rapidly. I'm sure a good deep breath would take in other dangerous environmental pollutants and occasionally nasty odours, but you don't see much being done about them ... Kyoto treaty or not.

Mr Murray complains about how a stranger's breath smells "deeply of nicotine".Maybe a national campaign distributing breath-mints to people with substandard breath should be enforced.

Or maybe the anti-smoking brigade should shift some of their efforts onto the other persistent bugbears of our modern society like over indulgence of alcohol, pollution and childhood obesity.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it... or not as the case may be.

I am not a pro-smoking activist just someone who feels that every argument has two sides and furthermore there are bigger fish to fry with regard to the problems affecting our modern society. I wouldn't have written to the editor otherwise if it wasn't for his stereotypical myopic assymetric opinion.

All Hail The Retail God

2005-12-27T14:15:00.000Z

What a comercialised hole Britain is these days.

On trying to park my car and go for a post Christmas coffee with a friend I encountered what could only be on a par with the days leading up to the apocalypse: People wandering aimlessly in streams, car park / road rage at its most poisonous only calmed by a lone policeman, people possessed by the charms of purchasing items only a fraction cheaper than their previous price... to summarise: chaos reigns.

What could have caused this phenomenon in such a backwater microcosm like Aberdeen I asked myself ? The sales.

I expected it to be a little busier than Christmas eve but the sheer volume of penny pinching shoppers frequenting the city centre was phenomenal. Maybe it was due to the spell that over-commercialism of Christmas has cast on people. They have been bombarded with peer-pressure and brain-washing advertising campaigns to "spend, spend, spend" prior to Christmas and thanks to 36 hours without visiting a shop "retail cold-turkey" has set in and has taken its toll. Then again the charms of a bargain may have also enticed the natives of an area reknowned for its thrifty attitude out onto the streets to save themselves a pittance.

Meanwhile I sit here drinking my second coffee watching the animal behaviour outside glad I have everything I realistically need to function and have no yearning to purchase needless items purely on the basis on the percentage saving.

Is this all due to the evolution of Human Nature* / British Mentality* / Aberdonians *

* delete as applicable.

Bloated

2005-12-25T14:14:00.000Z

Yuletide greetings to one and all.

I feel bloated as I've just eaten the equivalent of three meals in a oner ach well time to get torn into the rest of the wine, sherry and rub my belly and fall asleep on the couch.

Before I dash... well roll off thrugh the house to go into a christmas induced coma I feel this blod needs some festive interaction so:

"What was your novel present ?"

I'll start the ball rolling with a jar of imported raspberry flavor marshmallow fluff... mmmm!

Mind you probably not the best idea after my recent dental work eh? harumph!

Escape...

2005-12-22T01:42:00.000Z

Finally managed to get out of Aberdeen on a non-work related basis! Wayhey!

I'm off down the road to Glasgow and Edinburgh tomorrow to collect Kath from her train then to embark on a couple of days of shopping, dining, drinking and dancing before the annual Christmas madness kicks in. Fortunately for me I've done all of my Christmas shopping fingers crossed its the same scenario for her!

Mind you the whole thing seems to have spiralled out of control into "an over comercialised anti-climax" waiting to ambush the not so cynical amongst us. Next year I am going to enforce mutually agreed spending limits. In a vain attempt to redeem myself I'm going to strive to get my ass to church for one of the many Christmas eve services. I haven't been to once since I was a wee boy so fingers crossed it'll bring back the good memories and rekindle a bit of sense about the real meaning of Christmas.

Thank gawd the green machine has been to the "doctors" for a check-up and all seems to be in order now. The same couldn't have been said this morning after I filled the boot with just under a gallon of arctic strength screen wash! If only my modus operandii was as simple as accidentally tipping it! Thats too bloody simple for the likes of me: when I was driving into Aberdeen this morning along the salty traffic infested roads I thought to myself "Better clean the back windows" so I hit the switch only to be confronted by a moving rear wiper sans screenwash jet. I figured it might need a longer push so I tried again.... and again.... and again until I emptied what was a full tank. This of course baffled me as I'd only had 5 hours sleep until I opened the boot....

Zut Alors! because of the frost the nozzle had frozen and my kick-ass pump had caused a bit of back pressure forcing the tube off the nozzle allowing screenwash to be pumped at a rapid pace into the interior of my car. Harumph. Atleast now I see the funny side!

Anyways less of my drivel, have a good 'un... I sure as hell will between now and Boxing Day!

Joyeux Noel!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!

2005-12-20T17:36:00.000Z

ROOT CANAL

NOUN:
1. A pulp-filled channel in a root of a tooth.

2. A treatment in which diseased tissue from this part of the tooth is removed and the resulting cavity is filled with an inert material.

3. A modern equivalent of medieval torture involving molar clamps, hypodermic needles, mechanical burrs, mechanical drills often performed by dentists.

From this day forward I promise to limit my sugar intake especially with regard to my morbidly obscene Irn-Bru habit! Never again do I fancy having that done nor do I want to experience dribbling coffee whilst blogging again anytime soon!

Fair play to the dentist though, she was quick and reassuring whilst performing the procedure and also fair play to the NHS for charging me a pittance for the pleasure! w00t!

Anyways better dash so I can enjoy having nothing to do until January the 2nd next year (I know it's only another fortnight or so but it fools my tired mind into believing its longer).

Merry Christmas.... Finally I've got time to relax... or not!

2005-12-19T18:19:00.000Z

What a week!

It all began with my car developing a rather irritating fault in its security systems which caused it to open its doors and drop its windows whenever it fancied it!

Err Brilliant! It transpired that this was caused by ingress of water into some sort of vacuum pump brought about by a badly fitted GPS antenna. Ach well £370 later and it's booked in to get sorted prior to my post christmas exodus south.

Things for once on a work front have gone swimmingly, my trial Brodit mount for a new handset we're installing in clients vehicles arrived and was fitted into my green-machine with the least effort, the latest version of our positional aware asset management software has finally got to Beta stage, all of my invoices have been paid, I have no clients defaulting on invoices and I've managed to avoid the tech support rota for hogmanay through some skillfull re-jigging of the list... Oh any my Christmas shopping is all done!

All in all things have gone well but as 90% of the pre-Christmas tie up has been completed early I can't be arsed working too hard now until January!

The next few days are going to be filled with such delights as getting my teeth drilled, getting the gree-machine back to peak fitness, watching daytime telly and driving to Edinburgh, Glasgow and the Trossachs and knocking out a few more photo mosaics!

I discovered the delights of creating these whilst randomly browsing the interweb while waiting for a 30 MB upload to complete. The process is simple, identify a load of images, define your master image, tweak the variables then wait between 10 and 20 minutes for the end result! The one I've displayed here is a lo-res version but the original is a 25MB, 4950 x 6650 jpeg! made up of thousands of images of Kath and I, our antics and places we've been to etc.

I was so impressed with the first result that I'm going to knock out a few more as Christmas presents for other close friends and family using images pertinent to them.

Anyway less of my waffle! To all my friends and family, colleagues, clients and especially all the other Aberdeen Bloggers:

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a very happy and prosperous 2006

Venue

2005-12-13T01:59:00.000Z

Shite... just realised I had posted the date and time yet no venue... Illicit Still (downstairs) @ 8pm tonight (Tuesday 13th December).

Didn't blag a buffet due to the small numbers.

Bloggers Meet

2005-12-08T12:52:00.000Z

Hi folks, as this is syndicated on Aberdeen Blogs, Scottish Blogs and umpteen other sites I'll finally get around to proposing a date and time for the inaugural Aberdeen Bloggers meet!

Tuesday 13th December, 8pm

Location TBC as I need to know rough numbers so I can blag an area and a buffet in a city centre pub.

If you're planning to attend or if anyone has any gripes then drop me a line.

Confirmed (as at 13:15 Friday 9th) :

Dawson
Goatie
Jayne
Martin
Me
Neepheid

Madness...

2005-12-08T12:23:00.000Z

Squirrels have bitten to death a stray dog which was barking at them in a Russian park, local media report.

Passers-by were too late to stop the attack by the black squirrels in a village in the far east, which reportedly lasted about a minute.

They are said to have scampered off at the sight of humans, some carrying pieces of flesh.

A pine cone shortage may have led the squirrels to seek other food sources, although scientists are sceptical.

Harold Bishops lost years...

2005-12-08T11:57:00.000Z

Sheer madness... bbc.co.uk/neighbours

Telematics Nightmare

2005-12-07T14:10:00.000Z

GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error GPS Error...

Kinda summarises my day.

Bunch of telematics arse compounded by a rather irate client as his new roll-out of my logistical management system is buggered.
]
Busy busy busy......

Aberdeen Bloggers Meet?

2005-12-01T14:57:00.000Z

If the weegies can do it why can't we ?

Anyone fancy an informal meet in a city centre pub after work some night before xmas ?

Just an idea!

Grumble

2005-11-30T15:10:00.000Z

Righty I'd better start off with some good news:

Martin has managed to get his "Failure to Display a Valid Tax Disc" Penalty revoked and get a well deserved letter of apology and a replacement tax disc sorted out! w00t!

Onto the slightly annoying news: A multinational courier / carrier cannot next day a parcel dispatched in Leeds yesterday at 1029 Hrs butr instead can only deliver tomorrow "some time between 9 & 5".

"Next-day" my fookin' arse.

Plus a filling managed to dislodge itself from one of my molars so all in all I'm nae chuffed at a'

(Bloody hell I need to write more happy positive stuff instead of whinging and whining!)

Insult to Injury

2005-11-29T12:25:00.000Z

My buddy Martin had his car nicked by a joy-riding chav last month and had the joy of collecting it from the police garage last night, albeit sans speakers, stereo etc.

"At least he's got it back now, the insurance should cough up for the contents" I hear you say hence Martin should be a reasonably happy bunny with a mode of transport.

What he didn't realise was the chav also nicked his tax disc and only hours after he got his car back grampians finest slapped a fix penalty notice on his car due to "...failure to display a valid Tax disc".

Talk about kicking you when you're down.

I hope things get better chief.

Snow

2005-11-28T15:08:00.000Z

....bloody tonnes of the stuff! So much for this mornings meetings in Aberdeen... haven't managed to get the car dug out and back on the road until now. Thanksfully the snow plough has been round umpteen times and cleared the road... but at the same time burying my poor wee car further under the white deluge!

Oh my pub quiz team "Steel fist in a velvet glove" won both the free pizza and overall in the Bobbin pub quiz last night!

w00t!

Righty time for me to do my Scott of the Antarctic impression, don the Pea Coat and creep along the country roads to Aberdeen. If the snow starts again I'm staying there and getting boozed!

I'm back and its baltic!

2005-11-26T17:25:00.000Z

....mind you Manchester had its fair share of frost, fog, salty roads and chilly temperatures too! On the flip side it would be nice if Aberdeen had the presence of Muji, Selfridges, Harvey Nic's, Urban Outfitters, a semi-permanent seasonal German Christmas Market, trams and the plethora of quality bars and restaurants I frequent when I'm down there.

Oh nearly forgot about the humongous Wheel of Manchester... it's bloody huge!

Ach well Vegas! is on tonight in Aberdeen so that's some solace I suppose!

Back soon.

Succumbed

2005-11-14T22:53:00.000Z

After possibly the worst weekend since late September 2001 being in a position of extreme weakness I have succumbed to the filthy weed and chained smoked a deck of Silk Cut Blue ciggies (3mg Tar, 0.3mg Nicotine). So much for that then... kind of adds insult to injury when you consider the catalogue of disasters I've had the misfortune of experiencing.

Harumph.

On a lighter, albeit belated note just recieved this which has brought about the slightest hint of a smile to my thunderous mood induced grimace:

Today, being the 200th Anniversary of the Battle of Trafalgar; the one that enabled us to rule the waves and waive the rules for 100 years or more; it is appropriate to consider how Nelson would meet the enemy today; fighting for Queen and Tony in the 21st Century.

We join Nelson and Captain Hardy on the Quarterdeck of "HMS Victory", as he prepares to make his famous signal before the battle...

Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."

Hardy: "Aye, sir."

Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer. What's the meaning of this?"

Hardy: "Sorry sir?"

Nelson . " (reading aloud): "England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability ." What gobbledygook is this?"

Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it be considered nationalistic ."

Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."

Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working environments."

Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle."

Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. It's part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."

Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it....full speed ahead."

Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."

Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest please."

Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."

Nelson: "What?"

Hardy: "Health and safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness. And they said that rope ladder doesn't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected , with a safety ladder and protective hoops ."

Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."

Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle, Admiral."

Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."

Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled with easy access to all levels ."

Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."

Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under- represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency , hence your promotion."

Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."

Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"

Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."

Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."

Nelson: "What? This is mutiny."

Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."

Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"

Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."

Nelson: "We're not?"

Hardy: "No, sir. The Frenchies and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."

Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."

Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity coordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary."

Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."

Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life ............ "

Nelson: "Don't tell me - H ealth and S afety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"

Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."

Nelson: "What about sodomy?"

Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."

Nelson: "In that case ...kiss me, Hardy".

Temptation...

2005-11-11T13:52:00.000Z

Temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... temptation... temptation... cravings... angst... everywhere.

Must resist... 3 hrs without a smoke!

Traffic Jams

2005-11-09T14:39:00.000Z

Does it take more than 24 hours for a parcel to travel from Leeds to Aberdeen ?

I think not.

Bunch of courier arse.

New PDA / Phone / Laptop / Brick...

2005-11-07T16:38:00.001Z

Most people when they upgrade their handset look for a smaller cooler version, I tend to ignore the size and look more at functionality of a handset instead... in this vain my new o2 XDA Exec. arrives on Thursday! Can't wait as it's both a gadget tastic 3G videophone / PDA combo but even better it's a direct laptop replacement for most routine jobs outwith the office!

Here's the press release:

O2 announces the launch of the o2 XDA Exec, the first integrated PDA and mobile phone device to feature 3G, offering a completely new look and feel to the highly successful O2 Xda® II range. A laptop replacement device, the new O2 Xda Exec is also the first handheld device to incorporate the Windows Mobile 5.0™ operating system, complete with a laptop style keyboard, making it the ultimate all in one device for the mobile executive.

Since its launch in 2002, the O2 Xda range has grown both in capability and popularity, with more than 140, 000 sold across the UK, Germany and Ireland. The O2 Xda Execs sleek black finish combined with the faster operating system, hi-resolution video camera, tri-band functionality and improved battery life make for the ultimate mobile PDA experience for both business and consumer users, and represents a significant step forward in the O2 Xda range.

The Wireless LAN, 3G and GPRS functionality allows customers to flexibly connect to the Internet, access emails and work on attachments, faster than before, as well as accessing a richer range of content. With longer talk time the O2 Xda Exec allows customers to keep on browsing when they have had enough of work. Pocket PC games are available and customers can download the latest news and music videos or take pictures and video clips with the in-built camera.

Windows Mobile 5.0 enables the O2 Xda Exec to operate more efficiently and offer more flexibility, giving users greater scope to customise the device for external services such as video-conferencing. The updated platform also includes an improved media player, making it easier to transfer songs, videos, and pictures between O2 Xda Exec and PC and persistent memory storage for more efficient data management.

In summary, the new O2 Xda Exec offers:

• Messaging on the move - with no need to log onto a PC, customers can have web-based email such as Hotmail sent directly to them, or access office emails with Pocket Outlook. They can even view Word, Excel, Powerpoint or PDF documents letting customers stay in touch wherever they are.

• Internet – you can access any web site in full colour wherever you are, faster than before (using built-in WirelessLAN or 3G technology), just put in the sim card and surf away

• Text Messaging – the large screen and keypad make it easier to text and with MSN messenger customers can instantly catch up with friends

• Media Messaging – The O2 Xda Exec has a 1.3 megapixel camera with built in flash and a second CIF camera for video calls. The high quality screen gives fantastic results

• Voice calls – The O2 Xda Exec is a tri-band mobile phone that can be used all over the world. It comes with a stereo quality headset (or with the option of using a Bluetooth™ headset) and calls even get through when customers are surfing the web.

• Entertainment on the move – customers can play the latest audio and video clips using Windows Media Player, play games such as Solitaire and Jawbreaker and take pictures and video clips to send to friends

Russ Shaw, Marketing Director at O2 said: “The O2 Xda Exec takes the Xda range to the next level, giving busy professionals the ultimate mobile experience. The laptop style keyboard combined with the responsive and intuitive operating environment make this device easy to use and an effective laptop replacement for when people are out and about. Combined with our service bundle, we believe that the O2 Xda Exec will build on the success of the Xda range, extending our market share still further into 2006.”

The new device is available from £399.99 (dependent on tariff and subject to availability) for pay monthly contract customers and will be available in UK O2 stores, direct and indirect channels, as well as other leading distributors.

Technical Data
• Windows Mobile 5.0
• Intel XScale PXA272 520MHz
• 128MB Flash ROM, 64MB RAM
• 3.6” 640x480 65k transflective colour backlit LCD
• up to 8/4/15/250 GSM Talk/3G Talk/PDA/Standby time
• GSM Tri-band (900/1800/1900), UMTS Single-band (2100)
• GPRS class 10, UMTS 64/384
• Bluetooth 1.2, Infrared and mini-USB connector
• Wireless LAN 802.11b
• SD IO slot
• 3.5mm Audio Connector
• Stereo Speakers
• Integrated camera (resolution 1280 x 960) with LED flash, 2nd CIF camera for video calls
• Integrated antenna
• 15 buttons (Answer, Hangup, Backlight on/off, OK, Start, Camera, Power, VoiceRecord, 5-way navigation pad
• 62-key QWERTY keyboard with light sensor to auto-adjust the screen and keyboard backlight
• Removable battery (1620mah)
• Weight: 285 grams

Oh forgot to say... I got it for free and four months before my next upgrade was due! Powers of persuasion eh?!

w00t!

Insomnia ?

2005-11-02T03:23:00.000Z

Not being able to sleep is arse.

Reading for three - four hours in the vain attempt to get to sleep aint working.
neither is counting sheep.

I eat well, I exercise, I try to wind down.

This is doing my nut in.

May as well stay awake.

Grumble.

Singing mice of all things....

2005-11-01T19:31:00.000Z

Heard on the BBC World Service news whilst driving home last night that scientists have discovered that male mice sing when excited!

The only instance previously that I knew about mice singing was with HappyDave and Hayleys singing mice!

Male mice serenade potential mates with ultrasonic love songs, a study by US scientists has revealed.

The research adds mice to the exclusive club of mammals that can sing, which has until now comprised only human beings, bats and cetaceans.... (read the full article)

Go on lads... fire up the mouse organ!

We will find it, we will bind it
We will stick it with glue, glue, glue
We will stickle it, every little bit of it
We will fix it like new, new new....

Madness!

Tim Tam Tastic

2005-11-01T19:09:00.000Z

I am so glad that Tesco sells Tim Tams! As after the tonk day I've had I needed a pick-up and there was only one thing for it!

These antipodean biscuits are the greatest invention known to man especially when combined with a steaming hot mug of tea!

There is a technique of eating them known as the Tim Tam Slam (even though wikipedia states other names) where diagonally opposite corners are nibbled off to allow you to suck the hot tea directly through the biscuit creating an experience that is beyond words!

Globally sweet have been flogging them for an unreasonable price but Tesco, Danestone definately stocks them for a meagre £1.35

Try it.... you'll never look back!

Official Tim Tam website
Wiki Tim Tam page

PS Compare them to Penguin biscuits and you're a heathen!

Chain Bloody Letters...

2005-11-01T17:38:00.000Z

Why the hell do my technically inept but kind hearted friends continue to bombard my inbox with chain emails. Here's the latest effort:

Please do pass this on to 10 people cc'ing the sainsburys one and we'll all get £60 voucher - the friend that sent it to me did ring Sainsburys to make sure that this is a valid offer and it is!!!!!

How exciting!

Dear Sainsbury's Shoppers,

As part of our marketing exercise we will be giving away £60 gift vouchers.

Yes you read it right, Free gift vouchers, no catch. All you have to do is forward this email on to 10 friends & a copy to J.sainsburys@customerservices.com , simple as that. Once everyone in your list has sent 10 emails you will be emailed your £60 voucher which you can exchange in all Sainsbury's stores.

Thanks for taking part in our exciting new marketing method.

Without branding myself as a killjoy it may be useful to visit http://www.hoax-slayer.com/ to check the validity of emails like this prior to sending them back on their merry way around cyberspace prior to choking up mailboxes throughout the planet!

J Sainsbury would have sent any genuine marketing emails from their own domain name as opposed to customerservices.com as featured here.

They have also released a statement regarding this email:

UPDATE 12 Oct 2005
We have been made aware of an e-mail which looks like it originates from Sainsbury’s offering customers £60 if they forward an e-mail to ten friends. This e-mail does not originate from Sainsbury’s, and we are not running such a promotion. We are currently following this matter up with those responsible for the Original e-mails.

If I have the misfortune to recieve any further scams / chain mails and spams Hoax Slayer may have missed I'll be sure to publish them here as a warning to y'all.

Stay safe and uncluttered!

Halloween

2005-10-31T20:12:00.000Z

I dread Halloween arriving each year... not for the gangs of chavs using it as an excuse ( "Trick or Treat min?" ) for devilment but more for the developing trend of shops beginning to display their Christmas decorations.

Bah bloody humbug.

Flock

2005-10-28T00:28:00.000+01:00

Just downloaded a copy of the Flock browser from flock.com and I have to say I love it already! It has been bandied around as a Mozilla based "Social Browser" with del.icio.us, flickr and blogger integration (which happen to be amongst some of the web services / sites I use very regularly... which is handy!).

Some of the main features (so far!) are:

Tabbed Browsing
Web page manipulation (with an extension)
The Blog Manager
The Flickr Topbar
RSS integration
Favorites with del.icio.us integration
The Shelf (a virtual scrapbook!)
History Search

It has a familiar feel to it (as I'm already a rabid firefox user) as it was developed using the mozilla open source but is not designed to rival firefox, more to complement it. This will no doubt be skinnable to your own tastes. Plugins and extensions are still at a minimum right now but as happened with Firefox these will be rolling out at a good pace sooner or later.

It is still in a pre-release format for developer use, hence don't go firing ahead using it as your default browser as there may be undiscovered security holes but do give it a shot.

I've got a fleeting suspicion this may be the start of something glorious and maybe the beginning of the emergence of Web 2.0 centric applications / services.

BBCi Article

Happy Birthday Happy Dave

2005-10-27T02:46:00.000+01:00

Just a quick note to wish Happy Dave the happiest of birthdays! All the best mate and keep up the blogging, photography and writing! You're RSS'ed to the max at this end!

Aye and before anyone says owt, the 'tache was fake and it was a night out at Vegas!

AYBABTU

2005-10-26T20:09:00.000+01:00

Cheers Dave for reminding me about this....

From Wikipedia:

The phrase arose from a poor translation used in the English version of the Japanese video game Zero Wing, originally produced by Toaplan in 1989. The infamous quotations were taken from the European localization of the Sega Mega Drive port released in 1992. The arcade version of Zero Wing does not include the quote, nor any other dialogue; the intro for the PC Engine version has CD quality spoken dialogue, but has a completely different introduction. Zero Wing was never released in North America, and therefore never came to the Sega Genesis, the North American Mega Drive. "All Your Base" is interesting because it demonstrated the Internet's power to quickly spread idiosyncratic messages that would never have been covered by the traditional mass media. Although the fad has died down, the phrase continues to be one of the most commonly quoted examples of "Engrish".

All Your Base Are Belong To Us

Wikipedia explanation....

Pure albeit geeky genius!

The countdown begins!

2005-10-26T18:23:00.000+01:00

I have finally set a date for when I'm going to stop smoking, 11th November 2005!

I've also taken the liberty to add a countdown timer to the sidebar to watch my nicotine and tar infested days tick away! Stay tuned for the highs, lows, rants and raves about the joys of smoking cessation.

Mind you, it shouldn't be too hard I reckon after comfortably moving onto the middle strength Silk Cut 3mg Tar, 0.3mg Nicotine tabs from good ol' Marlboro Lights (or Marlboro Gold as they now have to be called).

The times I'm dreading are after eating, when taking a break from outdoor activities and when driving. I think the correct type of NRT might help but we'll see!

Previous attempts have involved hypnotherapy, sheer willpower and patches... hmm!

Anyways on a different note a relative got their car bashed by another (unnocupied) car today... bloody unlucky but thank gawd I had my camera handy for lots of insurance claim related photos. This leads me to believing that we're all jinxed when it comes to motor vehicles (clicky for previous post).

Ach well, it's all part of the wide and varied tapestry of life I suppose!

Evolution

2005-10-25T02:04:00.000+01:00

From the humble beginnings of using magnetic tape to store data then....

the Floppy Disc then....
CD-ROMs and ZIP Discs to....
the DVD!

What's next in the line of storage media ? Blu-Ray

Blu-ray, also known as Blu-ray Disc (BD) is the name of a next-generation optical disc format jointly developed by the Blu-ray Disc Association (BDA), a group of the world's leading consumer electronics, personal computer and media manufacturers (including Apple, Dell, Hitachi, HP, JVC, LG, Mitsubishi, Panasonic, Pioneer, Philips, Samsung, Sharp, Sony, TDK and Thomson). The format was developed to enable recording, rewriting and playback of high-definition video (HD), as well as storing large amounts of data. A single-layer Blu-ray Disc can hold 25GB, which can be used to record over 2 hours of HDTV or more than 13 hours of standard-definition TV. There are also dual-layer versions of the discs that can hold 50GB.

While current optical disc technologies such as DVD, DVD±R, DVD±RW, and DVD-RAM use a red laser to read and write data, the new format uses a blue-violet laser instead, hence the name Blu-ray. Despite the different type of lasers used, Blu-ray products can easily be made backwards compatible through the use of a BD/DVD/CD compatible optical pickup and allow playback of CDs and DVDs. The benefit of using a blue-violet laser (405nm) is that it has a shorter wavelength than a red laser (650nm), which makes it possible to focus the laser spot with even greater precision. This allows data to be packed more tightly and stored in less space, so it's possible to fit more data on the disc even though it's the same size as a CD/DVD. This together with the change of numerical aperture to 0.85 is what enables Blu-ray Discs to hold 25GB/50GB.

Mmm Shiny!

Clicky for more info!

Oh My Gawd!

2005-10-25T00:51:00.000+01:00

Whilst following links on some other blogs I found possible the most peculiar site I have ever seen...

Clicky

Be warned if you are an animal lover this stuff is both bizarre and quite grotesque.

'nuff said!

BlackBerry Jam ?

2005-10-24T14:39:00.000+01:00

After emailing a stack of folk with regard to my BlackBerry email address etc informing them of the best way to get in touch when I'm out of the office (which is my default state these days) I recieved this reply:

Dear Sticker,

Blackberries have already come and gone in this neck of the woods, due to the hot summer and warm autumn. That said I am sure it is cooler up North, and I am glad to hear you are enjoying brambling, and hope the jam making goes well. It should also be time to collect sloe berries and make some delicious sloe gin.

Enjoy!

Name & Address supplied.

A couple of cans of Stella Artois to the first person to email me with their guess to who the mystery emailer was! Laughed...? I nearly soiled myself when I saw the signature block!

It's nice when the little things brighten up what is a driech, rainy, miserable day mainly spent paying invoices and sorting out purchasing.

Yawn.

Woo Yay

2005-10-23T03:49:00.000+01:00

I was on Radio 5 Live on the way back from doing a gig in Arbroath! Stand by for some BBC Freebies as promised by the presenter as a way of thanks for my Texas Chainsaw Massacre & E.T. related comment!

Hud on... I suppose I've already paid for them out of my bloody telly licensing fee.

Grumble

On a lighter note I (nearly) bumped into a goat driving over the Slug Road between Stonehaven and Crathes. The word random would be an understatement. Anyways if any farmer has lost a beige and white goat 4.1 miles north of Crathes.... it's legged it up towards the Durris transmitter mast.

On that sporadic note G'night!

Fruity

2005-10-21T01:33:00.000+01:00

I have been put off Blackberries for ever after the complete mess the namesake Pocket PC service has made to both my handset and ActiveSync.

On enabling the BlackBerry service on my XDA IIs everything seemed fine until the service book was recieved then a dialogue box appeared on the screen informing me of the fact that supposedly the calendar was initializing despite being very happily initialised previously.

After this mystical dialogue box disappeared my calendar contained no entries throughout despite being previously being full to the extent of at least three appointments a day.

My calendar was still intact on my copy of Outlook 2003 on my PC so I tried to re-cradle and hence re-synchronise the XDA.

At this juncture the previous partnership was not recognised and I had to go through the process of creating a new partnership between the XDA and PC. Once this was complete and the synchronisation began there was no entry for the calendar on the ActiveSync progress screen nor any evidence of appointments in my XDA calendar.

After the synchronisation was complete I tried to re-enable the Calendar option in ActiveSync but was greeted by no check-box or options for it.

In addition ActiveSync is not as stable as it used to be prior to using the BlackBerry Connect service on my XDA IIs.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!

Fair play to o2 though, their chap in "Data Support" has been working flat out and giving me regular updates on his progress trying to crack this conundrum.

How naieve was I thinking that enabling this service would be akin to Ronseal ( "It does what it says on the tin" )?

Simple.... my arse.

Harumph. = (

Art.... but not as we know it Jim!

2005-10-19T04:00:00.000+01:00

Just before going to bed after a hectic day of exchange server / client app configuartion, firmware upgrades, Blackberry and dealing with inept call centre personnel (plus redoing doing personality tests whilst knackered too!) I thought I'd have a quick gander through my del.icio.us bookmarks and re-discovered the Bansky website.

What this bloke can do with drab architecture, spray paint, cardboard and occassionally the odd unsuspecting farm animal is amazing!

Top stencil genius fella!

Enjoy!

Clicky

"I'm really sorry you have to die"

2005-10-19T03:50:00.000+01:00

Bloody hell this is going to sound like virtual ping-pong but bear with me!

After reading Martins blog where he mentioned that after reading my blog (lost yet?) he remembered about the Humanmetrics provided Jung- Myers- Briggs Typology Test I got him to do a while ago I felt inspired enough to re-do the test and see whether the results have changed!

Surprise surprise.... they hadn't changed one iota!

I am an ENTJ which basically means:

"I don't care to sit by the window on an airplane. If I can't control it, why look?"

ENTJs have a natural tendency to marshall and direct. This may be expressed with the charm and finesse of a world leader or with the insensitivity of a cult leader. The ENTJ requires little encouragement to make a plan. One ENTJ put it this way... "I make these little plans that really don't have any importance to anyone else, and then feel compelled to carry them out." While "compelled" may not describe ENTJs as a group, nevertheless the bent to plan creatively and to make those plans reality is a common theme for NJ types.

ENTJs are often "larger than life" in describing their projects or proposals. This ability may be expressed as salesmanship, story-telling facility or stand-up comedy. In combination with the natural propensity for filibuster, our hero can make it very difficult for the customer to decline.

TRADEMARK: -- "I'm really sorry you have to die." (I realize this is an overstatement. However, most Fs and other gentle souls usually chuckle knowingly at this description.)

ENTJs are decisive. They see what needs to be done, and frequently assign roles to their fellows. Few other types can equal their ability to remain resolute in conflict, sending the valiant (and often leading the charge) into the mouth of hell. When challenged, the ENTJ may by reflex become argumentative. Alternatively (s)he may unleash an icy gaze that serves notice: the ENTJ is not one to be trifled with.

Quite interesting despite reading this after each of the umpteen occassions I undertook the test over the past year and a bit!

Ho hum... I'm off to bed!

Only in Dundee ?

2005-10-18T01:39:00.000+01:00

Was this an abuse of power on behalf of the coppers or a stereotypical jobsworth Dundonian reaction.... ?

Clicky

Tech Support

2005-10-17T17:54:00.000+01:00

My ISPs tech support line is aBouT as much use as tits on a fish.

You ask for the manual configuration settings for setting up summat on behalf of a client and they question your technical ability and insist on phoning back tomorrow morning to be endlessly passed from department to department in the vain search for the elusive settings or even worse their own "configuration file".

Bunch of inept call centre arse.

Grr.

Sartorial

2005-10-17T02:13:00.000+01:00

For those that appreciate the finer side of bespoke tailoring my mate Dave (I know yet again the ubiquotous "Mate Dave" rears his head) sent me this link to a fantastic blog written by a Savile Row tailor.

His definition of bespoke:

"More than 20 measurements and figuration details are taken from the customer. Then a personal pattern will be hand-drafted and cut from scratch - not the basic, adjusted template pattern, as used by so many other tailors these days. Using your pattern, the cloth is then cut and trimmed, along with the finest linings and silks available. A single tailor is then given the parts of the garment to sew together, from the earliest fitting stages, to the final, complete suit. Each suit is completely hand-made, even down to the button holes."

Click here to visit "English Cut"

Anyway less of my babblings as its time for bed.

Why Aberdeen ?

2005-10-17T01:10:00.000+01:00

Just read on Neepheids Blog that his car got broken into recently.

As well as feeling sorry for the bloke it has raised a couple of semi-dormant issues.

In the past three years I have had my car broken into four times, the stereo stolen three times, wing mirrors kicked off twice, the bonnet and roof "ran over" once and have generally had absolutely no joy with the police response.

Mind you the residual effects on my routine, wallet and insurance premiums have been quite spectacular.

The last time my stereo got nicked I was informed that they had caught the blighter and he was due in court over it. Of course he had no idea where my stereo etc was when they apprehended him and it later transpired he got let off with it.

Why is it that for such a small "provincial" city compared with the other larger cities I frequently visit in my car there are so many incidents ?

I know its got bugger all to do with the type of car as these incidents have happened to three different cars.

I know its not where I was parked as each incident happened in different, contrasting areas of the city.

I also understand that every city has its problems but it seems to me that the Aberdonians seem to turn a blind eye to the issues on their own doorstep, that is until they have first hand involvement with the consequences.

Wake up and smell the coffee.

Responsibilities ?

2005-10-17T00:48:00.000+01:00

Fair enough about the hurricane induced patrol price rises but after ASDA initiated a "price war" at the pumps the prices dropped to sub ninety pence now they seem to be creeping back up again towards a quid a litre. The thing that boggles me is what induced this recent stealthy price hike ? I can imagine a few folk saying but its only tuppence a litre but to coin that old adage of "Watch the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves" has a certain value when you take into consideration I can drive over two thousand miles a month on average.

If only the fuel economy / environmental tactics that we employ in Europe were employed in both the US and the rapidly developing east then I'm sure global demand would slow and hence the exorbitant costs of running a car in a rural area would either stabilise or decrease to an acceptable level. Possibly the inability of the OPEC nations to make their oil reserve figures transparent may have a say in the global price hike but who am I to comment despite living close to the UK centre of oil and gas know-how?

Any ideas ?

I'm back!

2005-10-16T20:36:00.000+01:00

Just under a thousand miles done in seven days and I'm back in sunny... ahem Aberdeenshire! Mind you swapping world class architecture for greenery is always a fair trade in my books!

Before I leave the house to revisit Aberdeen for the first time in a week I've got to say well done Martin on getting one of your posts from your blog published in the P & J last week!

I warned you this blogging malarkey was addictive (workload dependant statement of course), keep it up cheif!

Excuses Excuses

2005-10-07T17:51:00.000+01:00

I may not be posting for a wee while as I'm offski down to Manchester for the next few days to:

see the missus
see some clients
go flat / house hunting
see to my future employer
get boozed
go to Sankey's Soap

All in all quite a busy time, worth the 750 mile round trip I reckon! Thank gawd for the new Yokohama tyres, TomTom Satnav and crate of Red-Bull eh?

Stay tuned as I may have the opportunity to fire some posts up during the precious little downtime I may / may not have!

Au Revoir.... Le Stic.

Fancy a Yorkie anyone ?

2005-10-07T11:55:00.000+01:00

Laughed....?

I nearly soiled myself when I saw this last night in the Evening Express.

For the full story click here.

SackJeeves ?

2005-10-07T11:06:00.000+01:00

From BBCi:

Search firm Ask is coming under pressure to keep its Jeeves character as its public face.

A campaign centred around the Save Jeeves weblog hopes to demonstrate to Ask the depth of feeling about the iconic valet character.

The phasing out of Jeeves came about following the $1.85bn acquisition of Ask by Inter-Active Corp in May 2005.

Explaining its decision, Ask said the Jeeves character confused users about how the search site has changed.

Poor Jeeves, trying to find employment in private service is a nightmare in this technological age. I think I'll back his petition and urge you all to do the same!

Read the full article.

Visit the Save Jeeves Blog

The Shouty Track

2005-10-07T10:56:00.000+01:00

Was in one of yon Scream pubs last night and found one of my favourite music videos on their video jukebox.

Lemon Jelly - The Shouty Track.

So good I had to share it with you! Mind you on the subject of video jukeboxes does anyone else find the need to pick your tunes on the merit of the video as opposed to putting the music first.

They might be a mixed blessing.... hmm time for more contemplation on that topic methinks!

Cheese

2005-10-07T10:38:00.000+01:00

It has an amazing capability for doing funny things to your dreams doesn't it ?

Cheers Mr Leerdammer for bringing this chap back into my life...

eek!

Todays Rant #2 - Chain Mail

2005-10-06T12:55:00.000+01:00

There is only one thing more annoying than the usual Viagra / Gen. Swiss Watch vending spam emails we all recieve.... chain letters / forwards from our friends.

I got a beauty yesterday that induced such a rage that every recipient recieved a lengthy email about hoax emails, email security and email etiquette.

In future get your friends that are generally responsible for/ gullible enough to propagate this irritation to check out www.hoax-slayer.com or any of the major security websites before filling my inbox with this pox infested, infuriating, digital shat-pank.

rant over.

Todays Rant #1 - ISP's

2005-10-06T12:47:00.000+01:00

Why is it that ISP's can't just do us all a favour and allow us to send email using their SMTP servers with a valid user ID and password.

Half the blighters demand both a valid User ID and Password and for the user to be accessing their servers from their network. I am aware the implications of having an open SMTP server with regard to spam propagation etc but surely allowing a user to access their server from another network with a valid logon would haldly put them out.

Trying to telework from a clients location without either a subscription based SMTP service is an absolute nightmare. Before anyone suggests using my own SMTP service and entering localhost port 25 as my outgoing mail server details in outlook sounds simple enough but unless your client / public network has a static IP etc the recieving mailservers seem to bounce the mails off as spam.

POP 3 & IMAP always seems to work no matter the isp, why not SMTP too ?

Any cheap suggestions gratefully recieved ?

Four Candles

2005-10-04T21:31:00.000+01:00

or was it fork handles!

Ronnie Barker 1929 - 2005

The comic genius, Ronnie Barker has left us and he'll sure be missed!

I can remember Saturday nights in a laughter filled room at my Gran & Grandads watching the Two Ronnies back in the eighties.

Rest in Peace.

Cited

2005-09-29T23:57:00.000+01:00

Randomly before getting some schlaf I did a quick google search for my username and was surprised by the results... two pages of semi relevant results albeit some repetition.

The one that sticks in my mind was LordRich's post about my G8 Police Vans photgraph I took on a disused piece of dual carriageway near QVS, Dunblane.

Cop Van s

16/7/2005 @ 14:44

Originally uploaded by StickerEsq.

I think this photo of police vans running as far as the eye can see nicely sums up the amount of police presence in Scotland for the G8 summit. There’s lots of other G8 photos on Flickr, but few are as well composed or capture the mood quite so well. This is defnitely going in my favourites.

Cheers LordRich... it's always nice to have people appreciating my photography!

Funny letters

2005-09-29T23:47:00.000+01:00

Righty after the third tonk comment in two mins after my most recent post I've finally got around to turning on "Word Verification" for comments.

Don't be dissuaded by the dodgy letters that have appeared prior to publishing your comments it's to keep the eejits away from dropping their cyber-gibberish and polluting my blog.

Here's the most recent example by "Lynda Johnson":

What price the moon?
In a startling admission, NASA chief Michael Griffin told USA Today's editorial board that the manned space shuttle and International Space Station projects have been misguided for decades.
Find out how to buy and sell anything, like things related to music on interest free credit and pay back whenever you want! Exchange FREE ads on any topic, like music!

Rhubarb... 'nuff said.

Nighty night.

"That's just the way I am, I am just a big bag of fun."

2005-09-29T23:33:00.000+01:00

A genius quote from a Glaswegian bus driver who ended up in court and has been found guilty of making obscene gestures at 14 and 15 year olds as he drove by!

The funniest thing is the deed-poll name changing reference!

Click here to read the full story

Competition

2005-09-29T23:21:00.000+01:00

In your own words what's up with this Cisco Aironet install....

Ineptees at their best!

Answers on a post card to me... well leave a comment! (It's tonk / cowboy job et cetera will not count!)

Winner gets a pint on me!

Fair Play on Fuel 2005

2005-09-13T01:55:00.000+01:00

From The Scotsman:

FUEL protesters have threatened to blockade every refinery in Britain next week unless the government cuts fuel taxes.

In a move raising the spectre of the demonstrations that caused widespread petrol shortages five years ago, ministers have been given a deadline of 6am next Wednesday for the action to start.

The threat has been prompted by soaring prices, which have seen unleaded fuel rising by an average of 7p a litre in two months, to nearly 95p in the UK. However, an increasing number of petrol stations are charging more than £1 a litre.

Andrew Spence, a farmer and haulier, and spokesman for the Fuel Lobby campaign group, which organised the 2000 protests, issued the threat as prices edged even higher because of disruption caused by Hurricane Katrina.

He said: "We want to see an immediate reduction in taxation to bring fuel prices down or, as of 6am next Wednesday, there won't be a refinery in the country left open. Every refinery will be blockaded."

Hauliers in Scotland, who will today urge MSPs to hold an inquiry into the future of their industry, expressed mixed feelings about the threat.

While some said ill-feeling could quickly escalate into protests, others predicted a more muted reaction, pointing out the latest increases could not be pinned on the government. Some described Mr Spence as "a bit of a firebrand".

Attempts to make fuel a general election issue failed, with only a handful of protests staged in May.

Bryan Harper, a haulier based in Insch, Aberdeenshire, said: "Something needs to happen. The supply network could collapse like a pack of cards, there is so much ill-feeling. However, it is difficult to protest when prices on the world market are causing the problem."

Jim Macauley, the managing director of Cadzow Heavy Haulage in Blantyre, Lanarkshire, said he would not be getting involved, but added: "There are many agitated people. A lot of hotheads out there."

Robbie Burns, a haulier in Broxburn, West Lothian, said: "The chance of the government cutting taxes is slim to none. World oil prices were low for many years and we were paying a lot because the government was taxing us, but world prices are now high."

Phil Flanders, the Scotland and Northern Ireland director of the Road Haulage Association, said he was not aware of any planned protests north of the Border. He said nearly 200 hauliers had protested lawfully outside the Grangemouth refinery before the election, but any blockades would be illegal.

John Roberts, an energy security specialist, said the Fuel Lobby action could produce very serious results, but he agreed there was a major difference between now and 2000.

He said: "Then they had tremendous popular support. This time it is clearer that the high prices are essentially out of the government's control."

Greenpeace said the protesters should accept they must rely less on fossil fuels.

Mark Strutt, a campaigner for the environmental group, welcomed the price rises as helping to reduce the overall consumption of fuel.

The AA Motoring Trust acknowledged that despite soaring fuel prices, the overall cost of motoring was still less than ten years ago thanks to lower car prices and a fall in other running costs in real terms, such as MoT tests.

The fuel price increases are also hitting train operators.

The number of commuters signing up to share cars has doubled in the past three months because of rising fuel costs. Liftshare.com, the UK's largest car-sharing scheme, said it now had more than 12,000 people registered.

The government claimed cutting fuel taxes was not the answer. A spokesman for the Treasury said: "We believe the biggest priority in terms of reducing fuel costs must be working with the American government to restore production levels affected by the Hurricane Katrina disaster, as well as maintaining pressure on OPEC to set their oil production at levels consistent with more stable and sustainable prices.

"More than half the fuel used in the UK bears little or no fuel duty at all, including the red diesel used by farmers like Mr Spence, and the fuel used in industrial production, heating of homes and workplaces, and rail and bus transport, so seeking to address the problem of high oil prices through road fuel duty alone would do nothing for the majority.

"It is worth noting that road fuel duty rates on the main types of petrol and diesel are lower now than they were six years ago and, since then, the main rates of road fuel duty have fallen nearly 12 per cent in real terms, saving the average motorist about 6p per litre every time they fill up."

He added that the Treasury - in light of the volatility in the oil market - took the decision last year not to go ahead with the annual inflation increase in fuel duties, and this year had also delayed the annual increase until it could review the position in the pre-Budget report.

ALASTAIR DALTON

Thieving Bustards

2005-09-12T11:44:00.000+01:00

Many thanks to the BBC for explaining this one:

Fore more information about why we're getting a raw deal on the fuel taxation policy and why I shall be driving very slowly on Wednesday click here.

Grrr bloody raging, also bear in mind that the abovce graphic is based on fuel being 90 pence per litre not 96.9 pence per litre as I'm experiencing.

Cheap Petrol stations I've used:

Shell Caird Park - Dundee 92.9p
Shell Anderson Drive - Aberdeen 92.9

The supermarkets are quite cheap too.

Mind you the petrol up here seems to be cheaper than those in Greater Manchester which I find a tad bizarre. Anyone able to shed light on that?

Lazy

2005-09-12T01:11:00.000+01:00

Sorry folks for the posting deficiency but I've been in Manchester for the past week and a bit and since returning have been flat out catching up with things.

Hopefully this will have mellowed by midweek.

Spam Sandwich

2005-08-29T22:36:00.000+01:00

I'd love to see the pseudo "one armed bandit" contraption that the spammers use to concoct such tonk names in the vain effort of foiling anti-spam systems:

So far today I've recieved emails from:

Hector Vasquez
Julio Hampstead
Jesus Donovan
Trent K. Batchelor
Jarrett Yarborough
Dollie P. Berg

selling everything from fake Rolex watches to online pharmacies vending everything Lilly The Pink had on her stock list and more.

Probably not as effacatious though!

I wonder what the shelf life of email is with the constant bombardment of useless shite choking our inboxes on an hourly basis.

Maybe it's a conspiracy: The internet security software developers / providers produce the spam to ensure high demand for thier respective products.

Hmm ? The mind boggles.

There may be a way to fight these bandits though:

http://www.mailinator.com/mailinator/index.jsp

When you need to register for some website, just make up an address that ends in @mailinator.com and then if you need to retrieve the confirmation, log in on the home page.

The message and account is delted after an hour or so.

What a great idea!!! They even give you alternatives incase the website doesn't allow mailinator addressess.

Ha ha put that in your pipe and smoke it spam-bitches.

The weather..

2005-08-25T12:45:00.000+01:00

What the hell has been going on.... hot, cold, wet, dry, windy, calm, hot, cold, wet, dry, windy, calm,
hot, cold, wet, dry, windy, calm, hot, cold, wet, dry, windy, calm, hot, cold, wet, dry, windy, calm, hot, cold, wet, dry, windy, calm!

Ah well as the rhyme goes:

"Red Sky in the Morning,
Global Warming"

Right time to have a gander at the Met Office website I think!

Stereotypical Blairite antics...

2005-08-20T10:12:00.000+01:00

Just found this and it typically summarises your average New Labour politician... mind you not dissimilar to the Lib Dems tactics too:

Row brews over MP's pub protest

A Labour MP, who backs 24-hour drinking, has objected to late opening at his local pub in central London.
Aberavon MP Hywel Francis voted nine times in favour of the government's controversial new licensing laws.
But in a letter to Westminster Council, he said that allowing Pimlico's Morpeth Arms to stay open late would "destroy the peaceful character of the area".
Shadow home secretary David Davis accused him of hypocrisy. Mr Francis said new laws will give people a say.
The pub has applied for an extension so it can stay open an hour later once a month to take advantage of late opening at the nearby Tate Britain gallery.
Mr Davis, a pub regular, said of Mr Francis's actions: "This is a typical 'do as I say, not as I do' approach.
"He is prepared to visit all-night misery and mayhem on our towns and cities in the form of 24-hour drinking but objects to even an hour's extension on his own doorstep."
It is not hypocritical to support legislation that actually gives the power to individual citizens to make representations to local authorities
Mr Francis, who lives yards from the pub, said the pub had made a broad application which also included seeking permission for a music licence.
He wrote: "This is overwhelmingly a quiet residential area and a licence of this kind would destroy the peaceful character of the locality."
He said the licensing laws, which will scrap the traditional 11pm closing time, were aimed at giving people a say over the opening hours of their local pubs.
Mr Francis told BBC Radio Four's PM programme: "I think it is not hypocritical to support legislation that actually gives the power to individual citizens to make representations to local authorities."

"Do as I say" as opposed to "Do as I do": inspirational leadership of the populace... somehow I think not.

Blairite eejits... no wonder the Great has been slowly eroded from Great Britain.

Local Drivers

2005-08-04T11:53:00.000+01:00

Is this area a bloody microcosm for tonk driving ability?!

Admittedly I've ventured over the speed limit but it's generally to get past the people that don't understand how to use their:

Mirrors
Indicators
Accellerator Pedals
Brakes
Headlights / Dipped Switches
own bloody eyes!

When they crash into you the excuse you recieve is "I didn't expect onybody else tae be on this road " or "Ah didnae see ye".

It's a public A class bloody highway! My main bugbear of late has been tailgaters. These beggers either drive fully trevved up Nova's or company cars, hang about six inches off your rear bumper and gesticulate constantly that you should be driving faster.

Well folks prepare to eat my bumper as I tend to slow down quickly to avoid a "pothole" when you eejits hang off my arse. I'm sure the insurance companies would side with my sentiments.

Jeezus their all in a class of their own the bloody backward yokel maniacs... no bloody wonder my hair is falling out and I smoke!

Rant ends.

(If you're a local yokel who isn't eactly au-fait with the Highway Code click here....)

Week of Mayhem....

2005-08-03T17:21:00.000+01:00

Another week of sheer madness! Highlights of which were visiting Edinburgh Zoo (some of the pictures are on my Flickr page), Watching Trev & Duncans road-trip movie, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and some major inroads to problems at work!

Anyways I've got to be 60 miles away in 90 minutes so I better dash but I will try and get something a bit more explanatory on this later tonight or tomorrow!

Oh if you're perverted enough to be interested in what I'm listening to right now have a gander at my Audioscrobbler page!

Ups and Downs

2005-07-29T10:31:00.000+01:00

What a busy week! I'll write more later on today about the many many goings on but right now I'm focussed on the pozi drive screw I found in my front tyre.

As far as I'm concerned fixings and fastenings have no place in tyre safety and hence I'm off to Kwik Fit to get another load of Continental tyres fitted to the front of the green machine... Grr another £120 down the drain (being towards the cause of safety I'm sure I can manage it)

On a lighter note that's the Bluetooth enabled GPS Sat Nav half installed in the car. I just need to get another connector for the external antenna, plumb in another power lead into the vehicle loom and install the AA Navigator software onto the XDA... excitement ooh!

Back later...

Crikey...

2005-07-21T15:31:00.000+01:00

Was just watching the ITV news and just saw an armed policeman with his weapon up in his shoulder walk behind a young Asian chap wearing a opened black shirt being lead away by another policeman from Downing Street.

Whitehall is still closed and there is talk about suspect packages. This all seemed to occurr before a press conference at Number Ten.

Also just heard that an eighteen year old was earlier seen runing at the speed of a thousand gazelles persued by fellow passengers and policemen out of Oval Tube station.

This 24 Hour Rolling news environment can be seened as a double edged sword, great for the information hungry and also good for spreading panic.

London seems to be rife with emergency services activity.

Good Luck Londoners, my time there was one of the best times of my life and in that vain I feel indebted to the city.

London again...

2005-07-21T14:30:00.000+01:00

Some idiotic person or group has been placing devices with only the detonator as an active component on the London Underground and on a number 26 bus (which had its window blown out with no injuries). Let the speculation begin as to who was behind it... some will say this was a warning of what may come others will say its twisted individuals trying to get some news space...

Oh just in from the BBC:

"Met police chief says Tube and bus blasts "very serious" and tells Londoners to "stay where you are"."

What the hell is the world coming to ? My thoughts are with the Londoners... and in that vain I've got a couple of phone calls to make to some close friends down there.

For more information click here to go to the BBC News site.

Also from the City of London Police:

Suspected terrorist activity

We can confirm that emergency services personnel have responded to reports of incidents at 4 sites across the capital. They are Oval, Shepherds Bush, Warren Street and Hackney Road, E2.

As a precaution officers have been deployed at Warren Street London Underground station in full protective equipment in order to carry out an examination of the scene. We have carried out initial examination at Oval and early indications show no trace of chemical agents.

At this stage we have no reported casualties. We ask people to remain at work or home at this stage and await further information.

The following tube lines are suspended: Victoria, Northern,
Hammersmith and City, Bakerloo.

Eventful would be an understatement!

2005-07-20T02:22:00.000+01:00

Thought for the week:

"The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whiskey. By diligent effort, I learned to like it. "- Sir Winston Churchill

Anyway less of that! Managed to get stacks done from work through to getting the car to and from the garage! The new wing mirror is fitted and looks a helluva lot better than the duct taped buckshee effort I'd concocted, the headlights have been re-aligned, the oils been changed and theres another bottle of Wynns Fuel Saver in there. All sweetness and I light you may be thinking well nearly!

When reversing out of a parking spot I managed to reverse clean into an "I Beam" in a supermarket carpark... lesson learnt: look before you leap! Anyway two hours with the bespoke touch up paint later and it's looking not too bad.

The highlight of my day had to be watching my Journo friend dressing up as a Shaolin Wushu Warrior and getting some photos taken with some kosher Shaolin types at the Chinese State Circus... even the director was wetting himself at how out of place he looked! Sheer brilliance, I can't wait to see the pictures in the paper!

Jeezas, just noticed the time so less of my tonk waffle and off to bed!

Bat Update

2005-07-18T22:59:00.000+01:00

I've just conducted a buckshee bat count and counted 72 Common Pipistrelles emerging from their roost in my roof between 10:00 and 10:45pm tonight!

The thing is there was still evidence of more bat movements in the roost as I could still hear their social calls and rustling! I reckon there could be up to 100 of them up there!

Here's some facts about the common pipistrelle:

Pipistrelles are the smallest and most common European bats. They have dark red/brown fur on their backs and yellow/brown undersides. The ears, nose and wing membranes are black/brown.
Age: The maximum recorded age is 16 years.
Size: Body length: 3.5-4.5cm, Wingspan: 19-25cm, Weight: 3-8g.
Diet: Pipistrelles emerge from their roosts to feed relatively early - sometimes before sunset. They hunt small moths, gnats and other small insects, often returning to their roost after a couple of hours, although they may emerge for another feed during the night. A single pipistrelle may consume up to 3,000 insects in one night.

For more information about bats and bat conservation in Britain please contact the Bat Conservation Trust.

Addiction...

2005-07-18T18:01:00.000+01:00

My NationStates flag - well it is a pseudo "armed banana republic"!

Just when I had just about got over my addiction to fervent posting on certain web based forums I've got myself a blog and also created a nation on the NationStates site.

Somehow I feel that even more of my work devoted hours are going to be frittered away building up my "Nation" or posting my rants, raves and other tonk here.

Unlike a lot of people in my field I try not to use the PC during my "out of work" hours apart from a quick email check here and there.

What the hell have I got myself in for... I dread to think!

In that vain I'm off to buy some petrol at exorbitant prices (see below), drive into town and get some fresh air, photographs and good bantiché from my mates!